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joyfulgirl · Member

Do you think I should be a stay at home slave or work?

kimonokitty · Senior Member

Well, here's the way I look at it, but that doesn't mean it's for everybody...

I want to stay at home.
I don't want any responsibilities except for making Master happy.
I don't want any decisions.
I want to take care of a house and family like the 1950's household.

Will I get bored?
No... I enjoy volunteering.
If I get bored, there's plenty of places I can go "work".

But, again... that's just my style.
May not be right for you.

joyfulgirl · Member

See this is what I find confusing. I want to stay at home, I want nothing but to serve Master. But at the same time, I kind of feel guilty not working and not making any money. :( ugh!

Daemonfelis · Senior Member

Look at your job as a service to your master maybe?

joyfulgirl · Member

What do you mean demeon?

kimonokitty · Senior Member

Think of all the time, stress and energy you'll save your Master by being in good service to him.

Think of how nice it must be to come home from a long day of stressful work to a clean house, the smell of a good dinner in the air, and a beautiful kitten kneeling at the door to greet you. She takes your things, your coat, your shoes. Puts you in a chair and rubs your feet, and legs. Gives you a comfy robe.... then whatever else your mind can think of for the rest of the night *naughty grin*

Would YOU care if she was helping with the bills?

LOL

Talk to him about how he feels about it. Does he WANT help in that area? Does he think it's needed? Trust him. If he says it's ok to stay home, then it is, and there's no need to feel guilty.

Daemonfelis · Senior Member

Well, Look at working a job and helping with the financial situation as a service you can do for your Master. *shrugs* Maybe a part time job. You can make some extra money to help out, and still have plenty of free days to keep to the house. Strike a happy medium with the two options.

Temko · Senior Member

kimonokitty wrote:

Think of all the time, stress and energy you'll save your Master by being in good service to him.

Think of how nice it must be to come home from a long day of stressful work to a clean house, the smell of a good dinner in the air, and a beautiful kitten kneeling at the door to greet you. She takes your things, your coat, your shoes. Puts you in a chair and rubs your feet, and legs. Gives you a comfy robe.... then whatever else your mind can think of for the rest of the night *naughty grin*

Would YOU care if she was helping with the bills?

LOL

Talk to him about how he feels about it. Does he WANT help in that area? Does he think it's needed? Trust him. If he says it's ok to stay home, then it is, and there's no need to feel guilty.

my sentiments exactly. and i'm the Dom in this case :P

i couldn't care if my sub worked for the bills or not. if she did, sure - more money in the Jar, if she didn't - well.. it just means more "servitile" duty for her. it's her call in this and i do not desire to make that call becouse it's one that affects your life as a whole.

if she asked me waht i wanted i would most definatly agree that her "not working"(as in working a day-job) is fine by me, i would put her to work on other things. not working doesn't mean you arn't doing things. she'd be keeping the house clean, the fridge stocked, our social life up (she does that already :P), taking care of other things i do not have time for due to work. (like tending a gardan she really wants, or having pets that would be impossible due to us both having full-time jobs)

so i have to say... exactly what kimonokitty said. think long and hard, discuss it with your Dom (i dont know what kind of D/s relationship yu are in) and decide on your own time.

then again.. if you are a slave to him it's not your choice now is it? :P

Faete · Senior Member

Why not do... BOTH?

I work from home. It is wonderful for us because I am obviously always here when he gets home. I generally kneel at the door when he comes home, and greet him there. Sometimes if his phone is working (it depends because the bus goes through an area with a poor signal) he will call me at home, and I can meet him at the bus stop.

I also usually work while he is sleeping, and sleep while he is working. So while I *DO* chores, it isn't as though my life consists of only chores.

Also, we got a baby monitor, and if Master needs me while I am at work, he calls to me, and I will hear him and go see him in the other room.

Thing is, I know I have a really lucky situation going on, and not everyone can work from home, but it is possible.

MissAbsinthe · Senior Member

I do the at home thing...Though it is starting to take it's toll, I think there is a lot of modern pressure on us girls to work hard and have good careers, I don't know many housewives when I think hard. (vanilla that is) And the ones I do know, seem to be unhappy because other people expect them to be out working or doing something of "value" with their lives. Well to me being a slave does have value.
Even when these modern work mums have kids, they often seem to worry so much about breaking that glass ceiling and having their career, that after a few months of having the baby, they are back at work. And the ones I know, don't seem to be happy. They are constantly stressing about their career, rather than even finding a partner, as if it's the only thing of worthwhile in their lives.
I often have my parents, friends and family all telling me I need to get a job and work hard, but why? I could understand if my Master had no income, then I would do my best to help out and get a job.
But what is the real point? in the 50s women didn't work and no one accused them of somehow failing their duty as a woman by not working....I am a little lost. I guess many women feel somehow independent and empowered with a job, I suppose i'm looking for the opposite.

janet · Senior Member

Miss A, I personally would never want to be dependant on a partner's income unless they were almost mind-blowingly rich to the point where no conceivable unexpected event could even cause a dent in their income. There'd always be the fear, in my mind, "What if something happens to him/her/us?", i.e., what if we break up or what if something happens that makes my partner unable to work any longer. Sure, I could always go out and get a job myself, but what if this happens after 10 or 20 years of being together? A skillset that's 10 or 20 years out of date is going to be a major set back.

I'd rather know exactly where my next meal is coming from--and the only way I can know that, exactly, is if it comes from *me*

THAT said...I don't really want to work :D I'd love to stay home and take care of my hypothetical Master/Mistress' house. So in a way, I'm kind of jealous of your situation. It's a bit of a "the grass is greener on the other side of the street" scenario because I'd certainly never feel comfortable doing what you're doing (no insult to you intended, this is just what *I* need to feel secure) but...yeah, definitely a bit jealous!

It's likely that people who lash out at you are probably in the same situation as I am. They want to do what you do, but they know they could never feel comfortable staying at home, so they take out those fears, anxieties and jealousies on you.

-- Edited by janet at 23:03, 2009-01-03

kimonokitty · Senior Member

I'm with MissA in this bit here. I think there's plenty of value in being a stay-at-home wife/mother/slave/person. And I do see a pressure in today's society for women to take on that self-sufficient career minded role. It's just not for everybody. Unfortunately, many people have forgotten what the true meaning behind feminism was. It was meant to empower us to make our own decisions. It never mattered what the decision was. If we wanted to be career women, it was our choice. If we wanted to stay at home and take care of our husband's/Master's home, it was our choice. We should be able to feel strong enough in ourselves to pursue what it is we want, but instead we're made to feel as though we're holding back our sisters unless we choose to join the ranks of the independent, self-sufficient women.
This is also the same type of pressure that men have to deal with. I am sure that there are plenty of men who really would prefer to stay home (perhaps they become subs, lol) but it's just not acceptable by society's standards for a man to be taken care of by a woman. (there does seem to be less pressure on the gay man when it comes to the same thing)

But I understand Janet's concern too. It is a fearful thought to think that there's always the chance that the worst could go wrong and then what?

tigrenpanthera · Senior Member

my master is putting himself through school, and has complained about me having no income. not only that, but i need to pay for a few things myself, so not having a job is not an option. i'd love to be his lapcat all day, but it just can't happen.

as your case goes, maybe having a part-time job would be a good idea. you'll get some income to help your master take care of bills or pay for dates or maybe get him nice things. or maybe that's not to your liking. do what will make you happy!

Faete · Senior Member

MissAbsinthe wrote:
I often have my parents, friends and family all telling me I need to get a job and work hard, but why? I could understand if my Master had no income, then I would do my best to help out and get a job.

I guess many women feel somehow independent and empowered with a job, I suppose i'm looking for the opposite.

Ah! Yes, I hear you loud and clear, and I mirror your sentiments. I would LOVE to be the stay at home kind of kitty.. Unfortunately because of monitary constraints I need to work.

That isn't to say that I don't enjoy my work, I do... But I would much rather be doing something else with my time. I mean, I don't resent the fact that I need to work, but I've always had the fantasy of being able to be a complete stay at home slave. Meaning my job would be to make Master happy. I think a lot of people feel the way you do.

I know Master has talked to me about how he would love to be a "house husband" lol! Neither of us are in the kind of position to allow the other to stay home all the time, but we are definately envious. I think a lot of people have the notion that if you aren't working in a job, then you're a lazy slob who is doing NOTHING with their time. That's just not true at all though, and I think that being an at home slave is probably more fulfilling in the long run than being a part of the rat-race.

kimonokitty · Senior Member

Faete wrote:
I think a lot of people have the notion that if you aren't working in a job, then you're a lazy slob who is doing NOTHING with their time.

I agree. That seems to be so true.
Somehow these people think that cooking 3 meals, vacuuming, dusting, laundry, bed-making, sweeping/mopping, straightening, rushing about after kids (if you have them), doing dishes, shopping, errand-running, meal-planning, research for the things that husband/Master wants, animal-tending (again, if you have them), home decorating, gardening, car maintenance (somebody's got to take it in), home repairs, and constantly making yourself pretty so the husband/Master is happy.... IS NOT work.
No wonder the poor housewives of America feel so slighted

Tygra · Senior Member

I agree with Absinthe (we've talked about this issue among ourselves) but at the same time I also agree with Janet.

The trick is finding a compromise between what you & your Master want and what is actually really practical.

For example I would like to help with the Family Income which I'm sure would relieve Master of the pressure of being the only provider of the House.
Master agrees- if only so I could have my own spending money (I have my own bank account) but he also wants me to have time for myself & to tend the house.
So we agreed I would be looking for a part-time job.
I plan to share part of the pay for the Family Expenses and save the rest for myself.

Begemoth · Veteran Member

Well for me I have the slight advantage of being a writer, so at some point I'd like to work from home. Still, I'm pretty young and wet behind the ears with both D/s and writing, though I do have a few stories and poems and things. I hope one day that I can live in a relationship where I can tend to my mistress while writing at the same time. I'll probubly post a topic on it at some point.

bgss kitten · Newbie

i'm probably not the most qualified kitty to even speak of this for 2 reasons: 1) i'm new to being a kitty and its not yet rl interaction with my Master/bf, and we're still learning together, both new at it tho my interest in bdsm has been there for years, and 2) i actually have always been at home, never worked in and outside job or what most everyone else would call a "real" job, i do have some skills due to working at home with my mum and being everything from a secretary to a counselor to a massage therapist to a personal assistant for her. and while its may not have paid on the scale that other jobs do, it was still a job. that said, this is my opinion...

concerning everyone who rains on your parade, saying you need to get a job, and do this and do that, and you're lazy blah-blah-blah... the hell with them. you can try to please them, or you can try to please your Master/Dom/Top etc. if you and your Master are happy and fine with you not working a conventional or more socially respected (by vanilla) job, then God bless you both. do NOT let others get in the way of your happiness, cuz if you try to please them, what next?

"why do you wear tail and ears for??" o.0

all i'm saying is, at what point do decide to you live YOUR life, and not theirs? you don't do things the way they do and it works brilliantly for you... if it ain't broke, dun fix it. if you and your Master are fine with you having a job or not, then do what makes you BOTH happy, screw the rest.

concerning if something happens to the provider, if you are in a truly committed relationship, and S/He is your sole source of support, i do think its Their responsibility to make sure you are taken care of IF God forbid, something does happen, whether short term or long term badness. much the same as in a vanilla marriage where the wife stays at home, your retirement plan IS that person. if They think it through carefully, They will realize, hey, i care about my kitten, and tomorrow isn't promised to me, how do i keep protecting my kitten if something should happen? and then take an appropriate course of action.

thats just my two cents... *watches the pennies spin and reflect the light... swats at them playfully* =^.~=