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Joli Minou · Senior Member

Using formal titles in casual conversation..?

Saberrah · Senior Member

I refuse to call anyone but my Owner "Sir. If another Dom has earned my respect, I will meet halfway and call him Mr. Whatever-the-name. But the moment the "Dom" demands a respectful title, he just lost what respect I might have had for him. It only proves how egotistical the man is to think any sub not his MUST call him "Sir" or "Master" or whatever kind of title they want. Respect is earned, not demanded. I say block the guy.

Joli Minou · Senior Member

I told him I wasn't comfortable calling him by the same name I called my Owner, and he seemed perfectly fine with it. :3 So, all is well.

Now, however, I'm curious as to how this would go down in real life?

Saberrah · Senior Member

*Laughs* In real life...if any man were so bold to do that....I'd laugh and say "Uh huh, suuuuure!" Then I'd probably call him "dude" before walking off laughing even harder *Grins*. That's one way another would probably be me slapping the guy and then saying something similar.

janet · Senior Member

Online, I'd just laugh in that guy's face. I don't feel any obligation to be anything other than polite to strangers on the internet, and being polite doesn't go so far as aquiescing to people's random demands.

In real life, I might call him sir for the rest of the conversation, but get away as fast as I could and never talk to him again. Ugh. Then again, I'd sort of be creeped out by someone I barely knew talking to me about labial piercings. But I am a prude that way :D

Kitten · Senior Member

i too wouldnt call anyone but my Master sir, or allow anyone to to call me what my Master does, there was one dom who started talking to me online and kept calling me slut, needless to say he was soon blocked, only Master is allowed to call me that otherwise i see it as an insult.
if he is ok to accept that you wont call him sir, then i think thats fine, althoughif he keeps demanding it or is treating you as if you where his i would say block him.

some doms can be so arrogant!

janet · Senior Member

What the heck?? There are exactly two times someone is allowed to call me a slut:

1) If they are my master/mistress/someone whom I'm actively playing with at the time
2) Any time, JOKINGLY, in connection to my obsession with Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show (long story, if you don't know the movie).

Just because some random guy's decided to give himself the title "dom," why on earth should that affect how he treats ME? I think I'll call myself "Lord High Mistress of Financial Dominationne." Does that mean I should expect everyone to send me money? Grrr. Where, outside of BDSM, can one give oneself a title, anyway? I think I'll title myself the world champion of pole vaulting *dusts off paws*

The_Sequel · Veteran Member

janet wrote:
Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show (long story, if you don't know the movie).

I freaking LOOOVE Rocky Horror! biggrin I do hope you have a friend named Brad.

Anyway, I find that people need to earn formal titles, just like they need to earn respect. Just because some guy happens to take a dominant role in BDSM play doesn't automatically earn him this respect.

As far as the use of "Sir" specifically, though. I seem to be going through a trend of calling my friends that in casual conversation. Couldn't tell you why. Does anyone else do this?

MissAbsinthe · Senior Member

I get this problem A LOT Other Masters assuming because you are a Slave that you will treat them as a Master also. Politely tell him that you only use titles of respect for YOUR Master, because while you may be a slave to your Master, it is incorrect to assume you are a slave to everyone else ;p

kimonokitty · Senior Member

Well, I'm a southern girl, so it's normal for me to refer to people as sir and ma'am all the time.

in the D/s scene I could see how that might create confusion.
I wouldn't want to call someone by the same name as I called my dom either

Joli Minou · Senior Member

Hehe, thank you all SOOOO MUCH! I love this place. ;__:

(And yes, ROCKY HORROR > EVERYTHING. xD)

silversnowleopardess · Senior Member

The_Sequel wrote:

As far as the use of "Sir" specifically, though. I seem to be going through a trend of calling my friends that in casual conversation. Couldn't tell you why. Does anyone else do this?

I have done that, even to my female friends. lol

Faete · Senior Member

It depends. Online, I will not call anyone "Sir" or "Master" or anything of the sort, unless of course - they are MY Master.

But, occaisionally in person I will call someone "Mistress blah blah blah, or Master blah blah blach" Depending on how they are introduced to me.

I wouldn't call them just "Master" or just "Mistress" But if everyone seems to call Betty Jo by the name Mistress Angelpie, then I see no reason not to do the same. It's just respectful. My name is Faete, if people started calling me "Linda" I would be offended too.

I think that a lot of people in real life make up scene names because they do not want to be tracked down and found out. A lot of people are secretive about who they are and are embarassed about being kinky. So they decide to be called "Master GreenLion" What do I care? A name is a name.

I will say this, I won't call them that unless *everyone* seems to be doing it. I've been to play parties where everyone has a scene name, and they go by that for the duration of the party. I think to most people it is just all in good fun.

I DO NOT like it when people I don't know start calling me things like "Slut" or "whore" etc etc. Kitty I am fine with, but any degrading or dirty names are between my Master and me only!

Kuraihoshi · Member

Kitten wrote:

i too wouldnt call anyone but my Master sir, or allow anyone to to call me what my Master does, there was one dom who started talking to me online and kept calling me slut, needless to say he was soon blocked, only Master is allowed to call me that otherwise i see it as an insult.

You probably saw it that way because it is insulting coming from someone who doesn't have permission! I admit I'm not really active on BDSM sites (this one being the exception) or in the local community, but I would never call a sub "slut" (or any other derogatory term) without their express permission in advance, and I could never demand that someone call me "sir" while I was in Dom mode--it just reeks of a lack of manners to my way of thinking. (That, and whenever someone calls me "sir" it makes me think there's a general or an admiral standing behind me. wink

) Anyone who demands to be addressed by a title doesn't deserve it, IMHO.

Trouble is, I got used to people calling me "m'lord" because I used to hang out with the S.C.A. [Society for Creative Anachronism] long ago, and while I use "Lord" as part of my internet handle (lord_darkstarr), it's because it's part of my fantasy gaming persona, not because I have a big ego (which I try not to).

As far as titles go, the etiquette I learned is to use the title with the person's name ("Mistress Absinthe" or "Baron Michael", for example), but not as a form of address ("Countess", "Master") except for your own dom/me, if the person politely requests it and you don't have an objection (as many femme subs do to calling someone other than their own masters "Sir", for example), or if it's a real-world title (e.g. "Reverend" for an ordained minister).

Temko · Senior Member

it's pretty simple in my eyes:

the only person that my pet calls master is me. period. if she adresses another Dom respecfully (which, exceptions excluding is always) she can call them "sir"/ma'am or master/misstress .

spcifying a name behind a title is specifying a person, which can be anyone. saying "master" can only mean 1 person - that being me.

DaddysTouch · Veteran Member

I know some girls who, with men who are into D/s, refer to them as sir. Quite often these are girls into the Daddy-little-girl dynamic so they reserve "Daddy" for their Daddy (or Daddy-to-be if they haven't found him yet) and call other dominant males sir out of politeness. I don't think I know anyone who does it, but I can imagine it working the same with Master i.e. sir to those you're not involved with, Master to your partner.

Some of those girls would refer to any dominant male as sir, others would only do it with ones they knew well enough to respect.

On the other hand, some girls won't use honorifics on anyone except their partner(s).

I think it's sweet that some girls call everyone, or at least people they respect (but are not involved with) sir, but on the other hand there's something just as sweet about reserving it for their special someone. I don't mind being called sir by a girl I've just met, as to me that can just be a politeness thing, but master or Daddy just make me cringe. Those are things I want reserved, to be... bestowed upon me when she wants to give that respect to me, because I deserve it. To me those are things I only want to hear in a loving, long term relationship.

To answer the OP though, certainly no one should demand that a girl call them sir and refuse to talk to them otherwise. Then again, perhaps that's a good thing: it flags up the dickheads. Don't feel compelled to call anyone anything. I don't mind being called sir straight off the bat, I kinda like it I guess, but I'd never expect it.

-- Edited by DaddysTouch at 23:44, 2008-12-30